Which is as it should be.
"I had so hoped to wake up this morning to the news that you or Karla or both had been arrested, and I could write a short little diddy and include your jail mug on The Post's website," a longtime friend at The Palm Beach Post emailed me Saturday morning. "Better luck next week."
Ah, journalist humor.
Because FAU enjoys delivering ambiguous ultimatums – followed by staunch no-comments when you ask what those ultimatums really mean – no one could predict what would happen Friday.
Would campus cops arrest me for reckless advising? Would editor-in-chief Karla Bowsher be expelled for aiding and abetting an adviser?
No and no. At least for one more week.
The only drama unfolded when Karla addressed the staff. She began with, "I've been threatened" and pithily recapped the latest clashes with Student Affairs – while student media director Marti Harvey sat on a newsroom couch not 10 feet away.
Marti spoke up only twice. The first time was after Karla mentioned the possibility of being hauled in front of a student conduct board.
"I never told you that," Marti exclaimed. "I never said anything about student conduct court."
"You're right," Karla replied calmly.
Karla then explained that Marti had simply warned her that FAU employees must follow the rules, or they can be disciplined. When Karla had asked what that meant, Marti replied, "no comment."
That's classic FAU intimidation: Call a student into a meeting without saying what it's for, issue a stern proclamation about following the rules or else, then refuse to elaborate.
Later, when you tell others you've been threatened, FAU denies ever uttering a specific punishment. I truly believe FAU considers this a slick PR move.
Karla was unimpressed and unimpeded.
"Why would you tell me I had to follow the rules if there wasn't some penalty for not following the rules?" Karla shot back at Marti in front of a dozen students, a communication professor, and a couple alumni (who had dropped by to see if there'd be any fireworks).
Marti didn't respond. Karla explained that upon review of FAU's rules, Marti's only weapon is student conduct court.
Marti also spoke up a few minutes later, repeating FAU's claim that, "You cannot meet with Koretzky for the purpose of advising." But she refused to say what the punishment would be for the high crime of seeking my journalistic assistance.
Since I had skulked onto campus two hours earlier and helped review pages for this week's issue – sort of a pre-critique – some staffers wryly muttered that they'd sinned just minutes before the meeting.
Karla added, "They fired Koretzky and couldn't get rid of him, so now they're coming after me. They might come after you next."
She told her staff that the ACLU and Student Press Law Center were just waiting for FAU "to violate your rights." Marti seemed to take a sudden interest in her shoes, because she stared at them for the next few minutes.
Then we segued right into an uneventful critique of our online photography.
After the meeting, there was much joking amongst the staff: "Koretzky, if two students ask each other for advice, are they both guilty?"
"Koretzky, can you look at this story for me and just talk to yourself about it? I'll eavesdrop." That sort of thing.
How much stranger can this summer get?
TOMORROW: A newsroom sex-and-death test.
